Sounding the Depths Read online

  A Total-E-Bound Publication

  www.total-e-bound.com

  Sounding the Depths

  ISBN #978-0-85715-972-4

  ©Copyright Maria-Claire Payne 2012

  Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright May 2012

  Edited by Sue Meadows

  Total-E-Bound Publishing

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.

  Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

  The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

  Published in 2012 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, United Kingdom.

  Warning:

  This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Total-e-burning and a sexometer of 2.

  This story contains 59 pages, additionally there is also a free excerpt at the end of the book containing 7 pages.

  Sounding the Depths

  Maria-Claire Payne

  Can Ethan Gray convince Joshua Bennett, an explosive ordnance expert in the United States Navy, to drop his defences and let love in? Or is this British sailor out of his depth?

  Ethan Gray, former sailor on a nuclear submarine with the Royal Navy, arrives in California to work on a technical paper with a military recruiter, an acquaintance who introduces him to the elusive Josh Bennett.

  An explosive ordnance expert in the United States Navy and veteran of two Iraq tours, just returned from a third year he volunteered to spend in Afghanistan, Josh maintains tight control in his professional and personal lives.

  While Ethan’s initial encounters with Josh leave the easy-going, confident British sailor in love for the first time, Josh remains reluctant to ever fall in love again. To win Josh, Ethan must help this man who captured Ethan’s heart heal his own and leave his dark past behind him. With some persistent interference from Josh’s feisty twin sister Lana—and a specific gay-friendly phone app—can Ethan convince Josh to drop his defences and let love in?

  Dedication

  To everyone fortunate enough to find a lover accepting

  that essential dark within each of us—

  and to those still searching:

  “Sailor, soldier, civilian… One way or another, we’re all the walking wounded, mate.”

  Trademarks Acknowledgement

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

  Harley Davidson: Harley Davidson Company

  Spandex: American Spandex, Inc, USA

  Velcro: Velcro

  Chapter One

  Josh cut off his engine and waved to the man in the Navy work uniform who stepped out of the recruiting office door at the roar of Josh’s Harley.

  “You’re—what, three, maybe four—weeks out and now you’re back here already? Looking to sign up again? Maybe after my job?” Todd laughed.

  Lifting his helmet and resting it on one knee, Josh reached up to shake Todd’s outstretched hand.

  “Neither, dude.” Josh drummed his left fingers on his helmet and ran his right hand through his blond locks after Todd relinquished his grip.

  Meeting Todd’s gaze, Josh gave his old friend the finger as the man arched an eyebrow… Shit, Josh thought, the prick remembers all my frigging bad habits.

  “Feels fucking weird to have any hair at all.” Josh grimaced and tugged at the short tendrils that possessed just enough length to hint at the riot of curls to come.

  Todd laughed again. “Well, you still have a ways to go before the men at Chubby’s start mistaking you for your sister any time soon.”

  Josh summoned a smile at the mention of Lana and tried to stop a furrow he felt appearing between his brows when he thought about his pain-in-the-ass sibling—but to no avail. He scowled when Todd raised that infernal eyebrow yet one more time.

  “Is there anything I can keep private from you fucking people?” Josh leaned over, still straddling his bike, and punched Todd in the arm. “Prick.”

  “Yeah, well, this is why I’ve been kicking your ass at poker since seventh grade, friend,” Todd deadpanned. “You and your tells…” His voice trailed off, his tone turning sombre now. “So…how does the home front go since you’ve been back?”

  Josh sighed, running his fingers through his hair again. “Okay, dude.” Seeing the sceptical look on Todd’s face, Josh grinned. “Really.”

  Todd nodded. “Well, get your ass in here then. There’re a couple of cherries wanting to know all about the bomb squad and I’m tied up with a British submariner.”

  Josh grinned again. “So you want me to do your real job while you work on that technical paper, huh.”

  “You got anything more productive to do?” Todd challenged.

  Josh felt that shadow crossing his face again. Just a trip to the cemetery. He hit the kickstand on his bike, grateful for the respite from the lonely task he dreaded. “Nothing that can’t wait.”

  * * * *

  Stepping into the recruiting office, the spicy scent of expensive men’s cologne filled Josh’s nostrils. He shot a cursory glance at the shaved head of Todd’s visitor, his bulk dwarfing the chair, seated with his back towards Josh.

  Tall one. Josh hesitated, inhaling again—and then the man stood up and turned. Josh found his hand engulfed in the stranger’s broad black palm.

  Josh pulled his own hand back, his gesture abrupt, the electricity between him and this other man instantaneous.

  And unwelcome. Still… Josh lifted his gaze and stared into the taller man’s eyes. For the first time in… fuck, forever…a man was looking at him—seemed to look through him and his face—to his core. His empty, hollow centre… The shock of this hulk of a stranger’s eyes filling with empathy and understanding overwhelmed him. This made no sense and left him naked and vulnerable and more than a bit pissed off… But I want more, Josh admitted, if only to himself. The revelation startled him…and scared the living shit out of him. He realised the other two men were standing in awkward silence and he shook his head to clear his strange thoughts. What the fuck! Josh mumbled his own name, aware the man had uttered some polite pleasantry.

  Jesus…I didn’t even catch his name. He fell silent, at a loss.

  Ignoring Todd’s surprised but knowing smirk, Josh muttered something about the weather under his breath and walked towards the second tiny ‘private’ office in the recruiting centre. The stranger’s deep voice and smooth accent filled Josh’s ears through the paper-thin walls, as the British sailor and Todd discussed some military articles for the technical paper they planned to co-author.

  How long since that happened? Josh stared at his hand, still experiencing that electric jolt where this man had touched him… Then, just as he felt he had his equilibrium restored, he caught his breath again—the conversation next door had taken a turn from the professional to the personal. A guilty feeling welled up but Josh quashed the sensation. Frigging Todd knows these walls have zero substance…

  “So I thought you planned to sign on for ano
ther tour, Ethan?” Todd asked his guest.

  Ethan! His name was Ethan. Josh rested his forehead against the wall separating him from the conversation, happy to learn the man’s name, disconcerted to learn that he cared.

  Ethan’s deep voice rang out. “No. Time to move on, mate.”

  Josh breathed deep and exhaled, slow and steady, thinking about the cemetery awaiting him. Yeah…time to move on. But how? Josh started. Jesus, this dude makes my cock ache. But any thought of this inexplicable chemistry between him and the Brit went right out the window as Josh focused on physics instead. He walked into the waiting area and escorted two young men—kids, practically—back to the office with him. He launched into a candid discussion of his fifteen years’ experience and last three deployments in the Navy as an explosive ordnance device (EOD) expert. The two wannabes seated across from him were clearly captivated by his knowledge, his honesty, his humour—and the fact that he’d made it home alive each time.

  Josh smiled, their eager faces a reminder of himself, a long time ago. He felt that furrow threatening and shook it off. “It’s not like the movies, dudes.”

  Engaged as he was with the two recruits, Josh never even heard Ethan exit the building. He stood up and went in search of Todd, grateful to find him alone. “They’re all yours now. Primed and ready.”

  He breathed in. The British sailor’s scent lingered. Josh felt his cheeks flush, his relief followed by an odd sense of disappointment.

  “Quit the fucking staring,” Josh muttered. He could feel that vague regret clutching the pit of his belly—and he knew Todd saw that same confused feeling written right across his face.

  “Don’t have a clue to what you’re referring to, buddy.” Todd ducked and blocked the light punch Josh threw as the two men headed towards the door. “Pick me up at ten, then. I’m happy to take one for the team seeing as this is your first night out since you got home, but I don’t intend to haul my virgin ass into any of the local dens of iniquity without you.”

  Laughing, Josh looked his friend up and down, taking in his trim physique and casual good looks. “Dude, then don’t offer to ‘take one for the team’ when we hit the nightclubs. Hetero or no, you’ll be fair game if you make an offer like that.”

  Todd grimaced. “Ahh, woe is me… My best friend is gay. Fuck me—”

  Josh’s guffaw cut Todd off. “Like I said, dude… Watch the verbiage in mixed company.”

  Josh settled his helmet back on to his head, the protective gear muffling the sound from the string of expletives pouring from Todd’s mouth.

  With a final wave, Josh pulled away from the kerb, gunning his bike, trying—in vain—to drown out the thoughts crowding his mind with the noise from his engine.

  Thoughts of his next stop drove the smile from his face. He turned away from the recruiting centre and focused on the road in front of him. But at the stop sign at the end of the road, Josh looked back over his shoulder and caught the knowing look that had crossed Todd’s face once again. One more glance over his other shoulder and he smiled at the sight of Ethan juggling three steaming cups from the coffee shop opposite the centre in one of those flimsy cardboard carriers. Josh turned the engine over again, aware that his old friend and the Englishman stood on opposite sides of the street, both men watching him fade away now into the waning afternoon sun—and that awareness was strange and awkward…and a bit of wonderful.

  * * * *

  Josh parked his bike and walked towards Benjamin’s grave site, forced to retrace his steps a couple of times when he lost his bearings.

  Jesus.

  He slowed as he recognised Ben’s simple headstone.

  The muscles in his jaw tight, Josh looked down at his clenched fists and summoned his years of—explosive ordnance device—training to his will, determined to force himself to relax. Nothing helped to quell the panic rising within… His body temperature grew warmer, his armpits slick with sweat, until the fine sheen of perspiration that bathed his face dripped salty fluid into his eyes.

  Fuck me. He mopped his face with his jacket sleeve.

  Dropping to his knees at Ben’s grave, nausea twisting his gut, Josh considered the many bombs he’d defused over the years.

  Except this one.

  Josh vomited until dry heaves racked his chest. He welcomed the pain and the mess, leaning one hand against Ben’s headstone to catch his breath, his eyes burning with the tears his guilt would not let him shed, even now, a year after Ben’s senseless death.

  Josh stumbled to his feet and made his way back to his bike. The ride home was a haze of painful memories.

  When he finally arrived at his house, Josh headed straight into his shower and turned on the water full blast. The scalding heat ran to icy cold before he reached for a towel and readied himself for a night he hoped would drown out his dark thoughts while he abandoned himself to a welcome oblivion of alcohol and pounding music.

  * * * *

  Heading out the back door, Josh looked down at his vibrating phone, the text from Todd letting him know he’d already made his way to Chubby’s. In spite of his unhappy late afternoon sojourn at Ben’s grave, Josh felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He let a full-on grin drive the frown from his face while he envisioned Todd, ever his stalwart friend, fending off amorous overtures as he waited for Josh at the door of the members-only gay club.

  Prick knew this would make me laugh.

  Josh bowed his head under the weight of this most recent show of love from his friend, his thoughts on Todd’s and Lana’s unfailing support during the evils of this past year. All of his small family, really…

  I don’t deserve them.

  Josh looked down at the text from his friend again.

  Yet here they still are.

  Josh lifted his head and pushed down his gloomy thoughts, focusing on this one day —hell, this one moment…

  That grin hidden behind his helmet, Josh gunned his bike. Yes, he was looking forward to this night out for the first time in what felt like forever.

  * * * *

  With Todd close behind him, Josh pushed his way through the crowded dance floor. He paused here and there when friends slapped his back to welcome him home—and when men he’d never met grabbed at his ass, hoping to become ‘friends’ with him. Josh sat down in one of the small alcoves to the left of the dance floor and lifted his sweat-soaked T-shirt over his head.

  “Fuck, it’s burning up in here.”

  Todd laughed. “Yeah, well, you’ve been shaking your ass on the dance floor for the past half hour. Not that you look any the worse for wear.”

  Josh shot him the bird. “Can’t fight how the genes lined up, dude.”

  One of the circulating waiters appeared in nothing more than a bow tie and a pair of snug white briefs that glowed fluorescent in the nightclub lights.

  “Here are the drinks you ordered”—the waiter set down two beers—“and these”—he lined up half a dozen additional bottles—“are from—” he paused. “Oh, fuck it—I can’t remember all of their names. Welcome home, Josh.”

  Josh handed Grady a tip, laughing. “Tell the horde I said thanks, but I’m here with a date.” He waved one of the bottles towards Todd.

  Grady looked Todd up and down. “Yeah, right.”

  Josh cracked up laughing again while Todd sputtered.

  Todd whipped off his shirt. “Does this help?”

  Grady walked away, the shake of his head a clear ‘no’.

  Josh downed another beer, his grin widening at the sight of Todd’s crestfallen expression. “Dude, you stink of straight…but nice try.”

  Todd’s expression changed. “Hey, Josh, by the way—”

  Josh followed Todd’s gaze… Josh’s grin faded as he watched a tall black man approach.

  “Josh, isn’t it? Ethan Gray. I met you earlier at Todd’s office.”

  Josh stuck one of the beers lining the table into Ethan’s outstretched hand—anything to avoid touching him—but Ethan’s finge
rtips brushed his own in the brief exchange.

  Jesus. Josh felt that familiar crease between his eyebrows.

  Ethan slid into the round booth next to Todd.

  “So I heard you talking to those two recruits. Made even me want to join.” Ethan’s deep voice and distinct accent rose over the music. “I liked your passion.” He lifted the bottle to his mouth, taking a swig. “I liked you being honest about missing your family. Deployment sucks, yah.”

  Josh struggled to focus on Ethan’s words, distracted by the man’s lips wrapped around the open bottleneck. “Yeah, well, I suppose honesty is rare enough these days. It works like reverse psychology and gets the newbies hooked. Anyway, those bastards will be swallowing the ‘hooyah’ bullshit this one”—Josh punched Todd’s arm—“gets paid to feed ‘em soon enough.”

  Watching a slight smile cross Ethan’s lips, Josh flushed again. He knew that his strident ‘I couldn’t care less’ tone contradicted what this man had heard earlier today…and Josh knew Ethan knew he recognised that fact…

  “Nice of you to help out so Todd and I could get down to business. I’m not in town for long,” Ethan continued.

  “Not ‘nice’ at all. Todd’s family, man,” Josh retorted.

  “You don’t take a compliment very well, do you?” Ethan grinned, his steady gaze never leaving Josh’s eyes.

  Fuck. Josh tugged at his hair and reached for another beer with his free hand.

  His hand closed on top of Ethan’s as both men reached for the same bottle.

  His fingers did that fucking tingling thing. Josh met Ethan’s gaze, and he fell silent, unsure what to think of the Brit’s direct expression. Any time during the past couple of hours when Josh had caught some man’s eye, that man’s intention had been unmistakable. With Ethan, now…not so much.